i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
