dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
