my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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