..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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