You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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