She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
