I CAN MOONWALK!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize