and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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