Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
