she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think your dad took our porno
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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