i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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