I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
