just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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