the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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