i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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