Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Vodka?
Forever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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