i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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