Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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