Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
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Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
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I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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