Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
