Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
