remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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