Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
