My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
