Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
