Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
