garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
