Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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