who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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