We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
