turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
