I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
