So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
