i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
