addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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