Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
