Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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