When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
