Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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