I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
