i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
