and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
