dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
