You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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