he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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