i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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