New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
