We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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