goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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