I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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