So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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