You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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