Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
