I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize