I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
