i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
