just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltđ
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
