I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
