There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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