Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
did you just send me my own nude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How naked do you want me to be?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
