I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
