Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cockslap morals
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
